More or less the noise I made this morning when my alarm went off. I was not a happy bunny. We didn't really get out of routine while away in England but for some reason 7AM seemed incredibly early today. I'll blame it on all the dreams I had about spiders. My arachnophobia seems to be getting worse lately, probably because I've seen quite a few big ones over the last few days. There were those two monsters that crawled into our apartment during a dinner party we hosted before going on holiday, then the huge one that ran across the living room carpet at my Aunts while I was (get this) sitting on the floor eating cheese and crackers. Talk about an adrenaline rush. Luckily the man of my dreams is a good spider catcher. He can throw a glass right over those monsters without even crushing a leg (a spider leg). Because obviously I wouldn't want to kill them. Spiders are good for you! No, for the world! Well, they're probably good for you too, but I'd rather stick to tofu thank you very much. So as a perfect boyfriend you get them in the glass, you do the paper trap trick thingy, you wave the glass at your girlfriend who squeals and goes into hysterics (surprised at her own cliche behaviour), then you go and release the spider in the garden and tell it never to come back.
Have I deviated from the subject? Oh but look how quickly I can get back to it: yesterday when we got back home I spotted two very fat stripey spiders outside by bedroom window (door onto the terrace). I sleep right next to that door. I had dreams of spiders. Ta-dah!
Anyway, I'd like to say that I had a smashing time, saw lots of lovely places and people, ate ridiculous amounts of yummy food, and have nothing bad to say about England except that some shower systems are way too complicated for me to use. Flip a switch in the other room, then get into the shower and press a button and turn a dial? Hello? Which century is this? Haven't you heard of taps? Then again, English people actually clean their shower heads and sinks and other shiny bathroom fittings, which can't be said for the French.
Yes, this is just one of many cliches I am about to dish out on this blog over the next few days (weeks!).
The bottom line is that as I live in France and not England and the grass is definitely greener in England, England is NICE. As in, I want to live in England. Now. Please? Come on, what's the point in having a French boyfriend who loves marmite and pork pie and scotch eggs if not to live in the country where all these things grow on trees by the side of the road? It would be a waste. And I hate wastefulness. Which is why I currently have several loaves of soda bread and a hundred crumpets sitting in my freezer. Can you freeze Stilton? I'm about to find out.
Meanwhile, here is some real home cooked English food for you to feast your eyes on. More coming soon!
This is hilarious! Nice that the spider was sent back out into the wild to live and not squashed as many would do!
ReplyDeleteI would love to see those pork pies and scotch eggs growing on the trees, I'll have to take a trip back to England and remember to be more observant!